By Alpha Amadu Jalloh
There is a quiet sentence that has begun to echo across many modern homes, whispered in bedrooms, typed into phones, and repeated in conversations with friends. It is a sentence that sounds harmless on the surface, even empowering. Yet, when placed at the center of a marriage, it has the power to destroy homes. The sentence is simple: “I was not born to suffer. I was not built to struggle.”
At first hearing, the words seem reasonable. Who wants to suffer? Who wants a life of endless hardship? No one dreams of pain. No one wishes for struggle. But marriage, like life itself, is not built on the promise of comfort alone. It is built on patience, compromise, and the willingness to endure difficult seasons together.
For generations, men entered marriage with a simple belief that echoed through vows and traditions across cultures. They believed marriage was for better or for worse. It was a commitment that did not depend on wealth, comfort, or public approval. It was a bond meant to survive storms.
But in many modern homes, a dangerous imbalance has crept in. While many men still carry the old belief that marriage is for better or for worse, some women have begun to carry a different philosophy altogether. In their hearts, marriage has become for better and better, or even for best and best.
In such thinking, love is welcome, but struggle is not. Commitment is accepted, but only under pleasant conditions. Loyalty is expected from the husband, but patience is no longer expected from the wife.
And so, the moment hardship appears, the marriage begins to shake.
In many societies today, especially in communities influenced by social media fantasies and unrealistic expectations, marriage is increasingly seen as a lifestyle upgrade rather than a sacred partnership. It is expected to deliver constant happiness, financial ease, emotional excitement, and public admiration. When these expectations are not met, frustration sets in.
A woman begins to look at her life and says, “This is not what I signed up for.”
She compares her husband to the men she sees online. She compares her home to the homes of others. She compares her life to a carefully edited world that does not exist in reality.
Soon, she begins to repeat that sentence in her heart: I was not born to suffer.
But what is suffering? Is it working through financial challenges with a husband who is trying his best? Is it supporting a man who is not perfect but remains committed? Is it raising children in a home that is not luxurious but filled with love?
Marriage has never been a place without struggle. Every successful marriage has passed through storms. There are days of uncertainty, months of financial stress, years of emotional growth. But it is precisely those moments that shape the bond between two people.
The couples who last are not the ones who never struggle. They are the ones who struggle together.
The danger of the no suffering mentality is that it transforms marriage into a conditional arrangement. Love becomes dependent on comfort. Loyalty becomes dependent on lifestyle. Commitment becomes dependent on convenience.
Once hardship enters the picture, the emotional exit door begins to open.
Many men today are quietly carrying the weight of these expectations. They wake up early, work long hours, and return home hoping for peace. Instead, they are often greeted with comparisons, complaints, and silent resentment. Not because they are abusive or irresponsible, but because they are not rich enough, fast enough, or successful enough.
A man who is trying his best begins to feel like he is failing, not because he lacks effort, but because he cannot meet an imagined standard.
And in that moment, the marriage begins to fracture.
The home, which was supposed to be a place of refuge, becomes a courtroom of constant judgment. Every small struggle becomes evidence of failure. Every delay becomes a sign of incompetence. Every ordinary day becomes proof that life is not as glamorous as it should be.
But marriage was never designed to be glamorous every day. It was designed to be real.
There is a beauty in shared struggle. There is dignity in two people facing the world together, even when the world is harsh. A couple that survives hard times together builds a bond that cannot be purchased with wealth.
Yet, the modern idea that one must never struggle removes the very ingredient that strengthens marriage.
When comfort becomes the only acceptable condition, patience disappears. Gratitude fades. Endurance becomes an outdated concept.
And so, small problems begin to look like big disasters.
A temporary financial challenge becomes a permanent emotional crisis.
A simple disagreement becomes a threat to the entire relationship.
A season of hardship becomes a reason to walk away.
But life does not promise ease to anyone. No one escapes struggle entirely. Even the wealthy face emotional trials. Even the successful face disappointments. Even the famous carry burdens behind closed doors.
Marriage is not an escape from life’s struggles. It is a partnership in facing them.
The truth is simple but powerful: a person who refuses to struggle in marriage will struggle in every relationship. Because every relationship demands patience, sacrifice, and growth.
The notion that one deserves only comfort creates a dangerous illusion. It tells a person that happiness must come without effort. It tells them that if life becomes difficult, something is wrong with the relationship.
But often, the difficulty is not the relationship. It is the reality of life itself.
Many of our mothers and grandmothers did not have easy marriages. They faced poverty, displacement, and uncertainty. Yet, they built homes filled with strength and unity. They did not see struggle as a reason to abandon the family. They saw it as a test to overcome together.
This does not mean that women should tolerate abuse or neglect. No one should live in danger or humiliation. There is a clear difference between enduring hardship together and suffering under injustice.
But today, the line between the two is becoming blurred. Ordinary struggles are being treated as intolerable suffering. Normal imperfections are being treated as reasons to leave.
Marriage is not a fairy tale. It is a long journey with changing seasons. There are days of sunshine and days of rain. There are times of abundance and times of scarcity. There are moments of laughter and moments of silence.
What makes a marriage strong is not the absence of hardship. It is the presence of commitment.
A home survives when both partners understand that struggle is part of the journey. It survives when they choose each other, not only in comfort, but also in difficulty.
When the idea of “I was not born to suffer” becomes the guiding principle of a marriage, the relationship becomes shallow. It becomes temporary. It becomes fragile.
Because the moment life tests the bond, the marriage collapses.
But when a couple says, “We were not born to suffer alone. We were created to stand together,” the story becomes different. Struggle becomes a teacher, not a destroyer. Hardship becomes a chapter, not the end of the book.
Marriage then becomes what it was always meant to be: a shelter in the storm, a partnership in adversity, a promise that no matter what comes, two people will face it side by side.
In the end, it is not comfort that keeps a marriage alive. It is loyalty. It is patience. It is the quiet decision to stay, even when life becomes difficult.
